Having worked with thousands of couples and individually over the past 20 years, I’ve discovered the number one challenge is criticism.
People often revert to pointing to their partner as the issue.
Perhaps you think they have a character flaw or beliefs that they refuse to change or deal with?
It’s usual that we share common values when we’re with our Soul Mate, however, don’t expect to share all values and beliefs as the same.
Women are known to be more critical of themselves and others than men.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s just a simple fact.
This could be affecting your primary relationship, friendships and work.
I know how to live my daily life without self-criticism.
I know how to and do, relate with others without criticism.
I know how to take responsibility in my relationship for my own feelings without blaming another.
I know how to negotiate for my own needs without criticising another.
They’ve learnt this behaviour as a child or even carried through from past lives.
Most people use defence systems against feeling criticised, some are simply defensive because of their past and are not responding in present time.
The 2 most common defences are a counter attack (blaming another), or complaining and whining (this can include gossiping and complaining to others for fear of confronting the original perceived criticism).
How to deal with your defence system.
Respond as positively as possible, take responsibility for your reactions, look at your own behaviour and subconscious beliefs. By responding positively, you could simply say something like ''I'll have a look at my beliefs and see what I maybe contributing to this issue.'' In this way your partner will understand you are enlightened enough to look and not dismiss all that is being said.
I know how to live my daily life responding in the moment.
I know how to live without having to defend myself.
I know what it feels like and how to be safe, living without a defence system.
You may say stuff like ‘I don’t care.’ (hey ladies, this one is 85% common to men, you’re nearly off the hook).
How to deal with ‘shutting down’.
Simply open up communication again.
If your partner is the one shutting down, understand they are angry and give them space to communicate again when this emotion passes.
Welcome their communication when they are back, rather than immediately complaining about their having been silent.
I know what it feels like and how to effectively communicate with another.
I know what it feels like and how to give another their own time to respond to me.
I know what it feels like and how to give myself time to respond to another.
I know what it feels like and how to live without shutting down.
Of course, the humour really is on you.
You may find that the result is you feel worse about your situation rather than trying to make your partner feel bad.
You may unconsciously believe that you are superior in some way to your partner.
You may assume that your spiritual, emotional and/or personal growth is far in advance of theirs? This is a real booby trap for healers.
Because you’ve been consciously working on your ‘stuff’ the assumption might be that your partner isn’t good enough or up to your level!
This falls into yet another category, ‘negative pleasure’. Ah but that’s another subject and I’ll leave that for another blog.
How to deal with scorn.
Realize that you maybe feeling scorned yourself. Scan your belief systems or have a session to work on this issue.
Understand you might be trapped in your growth, thinking you are ‘better’ than your partner.
I know how to live without scorning another.
I know what it feels like to be and I am, impervious to scorn and disdain.
I know how to consistently open my heart to another’s point of view without feeling overwhelmed.
I know what it feels like and how to communicate with my partner in mutual respect.
Want more tips and help with relationships? Come join our Soul Mate Course or Book a Session.
(c) Alexandra P. Brown All rights reserved.